Current mood:	nervous
Current music:	Tori Amos - Enjoy the Silence
Entry tags:	fic, tezuryo

Fic: Articulation Problems
Title: Articulation problems
Author: die_gute_seite
Pairing: Tezuka/Ryoma
Words: ~1500
Rating: PG
Summary: He’s twenty-four. He shouldn’t have articulation problems. Least of all with Ryoma.

Many, many, many thanks to the very lovely liathcosan for her amazing Beta. I have rarely met someone as nice, helpful, encouraging, supporting and patient as her. Thank you so much, Cynthia, I really, really appreciate it! ♥




Articulation Problems


Everything changes, when Ryoma finds the letter. He just stares at Tezuka, eyes wide with shock and anger and much more than Tezuka could possibly deal with.

“Ryoma,” he starts and takes a step forward, but Ryoma shakes his head and it hurts Tezuka to see him back away. He does it so vehemently that he hits his lower back into the kitchen table and winces. There will be a bruise the following morning. It also hurts to know that Tezuka won’t be able to caress it. Not this time.

“Of all people,” Ryoma snaps and the crumbled up letter hits Tezuka like a Twist Serve. Ryoma looks like he is trying to catch his breath, he's panting and still staring in that agonizing, intent way, much like he does on the tennis courts whenever he decides on how to completely destroy the opponent. But then he hangs his head and shrugs and mutters “Che” and Tezuka knows that now is the moment. He has to keep Ryoma from leaving the room. But when Ryoma passes him, he can’t bring himself to reach out and close his hand around the other boy’s arm.

-

He spends the afternoon sitting on the couch in their living room, waiting for Ryoma to come home, repeating the words he couldn’t bring himself to say earlier over and over in his head. He even says them out loud once, but feels stupid afterwards. He’s twenty-four. He shouldn’t have articulation problems. Least of all with Ryoma.

-

Karupin joins him some time later, curling up in his lap. Tezuka scratches him behind the ears and closes his eyes, imagining Ryoma sitting next to him, complaining that Karupin doesn’t spend half as much time with him since they moved in together.

“He likes you more than me,” he often complains.

Karupin purrs contently.

-

At five pm his cell phone rings.

“Yes,” he says and is horrified by the way his voice sounds. As if he was in the middle of puberty. He clears his throat and nearly says “Ryoma.”, but it's Inui who talks.

“Hello, Tezuka. Data suggests that the possibility of you having an affair with Atobe is less than—“

Tezuka hangs up. When did he get so careless? When did he stop looking at the caller display before answering the phone? When did he stop hiding Atobe’s letters? They weren’t even letters, Tezuka thinks. They were simple invitations. And he has repeatedly asked Atobe to leave the hearts from the i’s in Kunimitsu.

-

He turns the TV on, but the first thing that comes on the screen is an advertisement for Ponta and he can still taste the grape in his mouth from last night.

He should probably put a few cans into the refrigerator. Ryoma likes his Ponta cold.

-

At seven pm his phone rings again and this time Tezuka isn’t careless. His heart pounds against his ribcage when he sees Ryoma’s name on the display and he nearly drops the phone, his hands are shaking so much.

“Ryoma,” he says and holds his breath.

“It’s me, Fuji. Don’t hang up!” Tezuka wonders when Fuji got to know him so well. He also wonders why Fuji is talking on Ryoma’s phone. He doesn’t want to get angry, but hitting something hard feels like a rather reasonable idea.

“Fuji,” he says and Fuji will know what he means to say: “Why do you have that phone? Where is Ryoma? What are you doing with him? Make him come back.”

“I knew you wouldn’t answer, if I had called from my own phone. Echizen challenged me to a match, Tezuka,” Fuji says and Tezuka can tell he isn’t smiling. “He won six games to love.”

Tezuka swallows and tries not to breathe too loudly. His throat starts to hurt and he finds he isn’t able to say anything to that.

Fuji doesn’t expect him to anyway. “Why don’t you tell Echizen the truth?”

When Tezuka doesn’t answer, Fuji sighs audibly. “You don’t want to lose him, Tezuka,” he says and hangs up on him. Tezuka doesn’t move for the next ten minutes.

Every part of his body aches. He doesn’t stop at the bathroom to brush his teeth or wash his face but makes his way straight to their bedroom. Karupin follows and sits on Ryoma’s sheets, eyeing Tezuka questioningly, as he lays down.

“He will come home, don’t worry,” he tells the cat, more to convince himself than anything else. Karupin meows skeptically but hops onto Tezuka’s stomach nevertheless.

-

It is two am when Tezuka gets up again. He takes a can of Ponta out of the refrigerator, sits at the kitchen table Ryoma hit against earlier that day and savors the grape juice on his tongue. He always tells Ryoma how unhealthy it is and that he should drink water or tea instead. Ryoma once answered that the amount of lavender shirts Tezuka owns is much more dangerous for his health than the consumption of Ponta. Tezuka remembers that he cracked a smile at that.

-

At four am Karupin jumps on his lap and digs his claws into Tezuka’s forearm. “I don’t know, Karupin,” he replies, his eyes closed and the unfinished can of Ponta still in his hand. “I don’t know.”

-

He starts when he hears the sound of a door opening. There's a shuffle of feet on the floor and the door closes again. Now there are footsteps and Tezuka holds his breath; Ryoma appears in the kitchen door, stopping dead at the sight of him and Karupin.

They stare at each other and Tezuka tries to remember the words he practised this afternoon, but they have left his brain like everything else. His only thought is: Ryoma is back and standing in their kitchen.

Karupin meows loudly.

“You’re drinking my Ponta,” Ryoma finally says and Tezuka answers “Yes.” He holds the can out for Ryoma, who hesitates at first, but steps forward eventually and takes it out of Tezuka’s hand. He doesn’t make their fingers brush.

Ryoma gulps the Ponta down. “It’s cold,” he says and Tezuka looks at him. “I like it better when it’s cold,” he continues and Tezuka says “I know”, which makes Ryoma’s head snap up and his eyes go wide.

“Yuuta came home, so Fuji-senpai threw me out,” he mumbles and spins the Ponta in his hand. Before he can say anything else, Tezuka sits Karupin on the floor and stands before Ryoma, looking down on him. “I’m glad you’re back,” he says.

Ryoma averts his eyes and Tezuka wants to force them back on him. Being their focus is something he has gotten used to in the last few years.

“Fuji-senpai told me you’ve been playing matches with that – monkey king for a long time now,” Ryoma snarls the last couple of words.

“Yes. I’m sorry,” Tezuka says. “I should have told you.”

“Why are you playing with him anyway? You can play with me anytime you want,” Ryoma mumbles and he sounds twelve again. “But you haven’t done that in like, forever.”

“I’m sorry, Ryoma,” Tezuka says again, but Ryoma doesn’t look up.

“Fuji-senpai has also told me that you play matches with … him, because you want to stay in form.”

And now Tezuka fears he knows where this is going and so he reaches out and touches Ryoma’s shoulder lightly, afraid Ryoma will move away.

But Ryoma looks up again and it feels as if he is searching Tezuka’s face wonderingly. He takes a breath. “Why? Do you think I will leave, as soon as I’m better than you in tennis?”

There’s a pause in which Tezuka doesn’t dare move a muscle.

He wants to say “You’ve done so before”, but can’t. His hand on Ryoma’s shoulder tightens. “I don’t know,” he answers.

“I was twelve back then,” Ryoma says. “There is something more important than tennis in my life right now,” and when Tezuka doesn’t react, he shrugs and starts to turn away. But right at that moment, at the sight of Ryoma turning away from him again, everything in Tezuka seems to click into place at once, and this realization makes him choke on his breath and he reaches out and stops Ryoma, pulls him against his body, muffling the “Che” against his chest and he says “I’m sorry,” over and over again. He says it against Ryoma’s cheeks, his neck, his hair, ears and mouth and Ryoma throws his arms around Tezuka, holding onto him tightly, whispering “Buchou” and it sends chills down Tezuka’s spine.

-

The sun is shining brightly outside, when Tezuka lets his fingers ghost over the bruised, already purple skin on Ryoma’s back.

Karupin trots into the bedroom, jumps on the bed and stretches lazily beside Ryoma, nudging his thigh with his head.

“Che,” Ryoma mutters. “You haven’t even missed me properly. Cuddling with Buchou behind my back.”

But he is smiling as he pulls Karupin between himself and Tezuka.